Entry Wounds. Episode 05: Merry 'non-defined religious icon-mas', everybody.

Yes this is late... I've been hungover for many days now.
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23/12/03 9.00am Múi Nê
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There’s something romantic about sleeping in a bamboo hut under a mosquito net, being lulled to sleep by the sound of crashing waves. There is not however anything slightly romantic about the fact that the hollow bamboo stems serve as a transportation network to rats. The noise gave me the fright of my life, and
upon discovering that rats were resposible, I was only slightly consoled. Dreamt of my childhood visit to Sovereign Hill, and the prison exhibit detailing how rats would gnaw at inmates wounds during the night. Yeeucch !
Hopped on the bike and made our way away from the scruffy resort town of Múi Nê. It seems that one effect of Vietnam’s rapid modernisation is rubbish. A population that only 15 years ago had minimal access to packaged goods has taken to it with gusto. Sadly however the harmless act of throwing your banana skin
off the oxcart has now been replaced by chip packets and drink bottles flung from your scooter. Along every major road there is a blanket of pastic shopping bags and alike, it never ceases. And I am yet to see a bin in Vietnam. Even in Ho Chi Minh City rubbish is simply dropped as you walk. The city council comes
by twice a day and collects it all for recycling. So that at least is a positive. However out of the cities it merely piles up.
Off the major roads these effects are seen less. Thankfully travelling by bike allows this, I have seen parts of Vietnam where tourist busses wouldn’t and couldn’t go. Along banks between rice-fields, up bad sealed roads and worse unsealed roads. We saw remote villages of nomadic tribes, and vast Coffee
growing areas throughout the mountains. One curious little habit of the coffee farming families is to dry their coffee beans on the road. They never take up more than half of the width of the road, however tthe hard little beans essentially form a carpet of marbles. We clipped one or two on the way down, throwing the bike into a fishtale. Not cool on snaking mountain passes! I would
have shit myself if the 3hrs of previous riding hadn’t given me colon compression the likes of which will mean i’ll be shitting coal by morning.

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23/12/03 6.00pm Where am I? It’s beautiful here.
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Not quite sure where I am, but we’re past the coffee growing areas and the tea growing areas, and now we’re in the rainforest. The forest here is dense, damp and cool, and the thunder of crashing water is everyhere. Descending through the
thick green on an awkward line of steps is a massive 50m waterfall. The falling water crashes onto rocks and forces a constant barrage of mist out at right angles, across the top of the river and down into the valley below. Mystical sight. However as I am quickly discovering, Vietnamese tourist developers, eager
to squeeze every last dong out of visitors have now made additions to the scenery. Like an ugly glass elevator next to the waterfall. Which on its own isn’t too bad. However its purpose is to obviously haul the recently encumbered tourists up to the top because they can’t climb the steps they just descended from all the food they’ve gorged themselves on, at the …wait for it…… Pepsi
sponsored restaurant, a ghastly construction remeniscent of a failed theme park cafe, jutting out over the river.
On the upside this venue is only frequented by local tourists on the weekend, and isn’t in the lonely planet. So arriving on a weekday meant I had the place to myself, and was able to find a small slippery path up to a fischer in the
rockface, almost behind the waterfall. A spectaular view down into the gorge. There’ll probably be a vending machine here next year.

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24/12/03 9.40pm Dalat
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Christmas eve in Vietnam. The streets are alive and tonight you’d be forgiven for thinking that Vietnam wasn’t a co|\/||\/|unist country. After four days of cruising by bike across a good cross-section of South Vietnam I’m back where all
this began, Dalat. The cold mountain township of 400,000 people. This is without a doubt the most beautiful place I have seen thus far. Since the late 19th century Dalat was set up as a summer retreat for the French colonialists. Picture French architecture with heavy lashings of ad-hoc renovations as is mandatory in Vietnam. The streets are better described as generous alleyways
that snake their way down the steep incline towards a large lake which serves as the centrepiece of the city. Dalat is also a University town, which gives the vibe on the street a youthful, excitable atmosphere. It’s not surprising then that Dalat is the honeymoon capital of Vietnam. As Thai says. "the weather is
good for honeymoon, Yes! It cold so you stay in bed.. ha ha. Good for honeymoon." Therefore the streets on this night of nights are swarming with, couples, families, and friends. A pressure cooker for anyone feeling even slightly lonely. On the upside there won’t be the usual "Look! You’ve ruined Christmas again!" scenario. (Phhh. Don’t blame me for your guilt, you’re the
ones perpetuating the age old lie of Santa to sensitive young minds! I’m freeing the next generation of this burden through truth.)

This however has been a very memorable Christmas eve. Thai invited me to his family’s home for a genuine Vietnamese Christmas. Being Buddhist that means .. a night just like any other. Thai lies in a small wooden house with a sub-6ft
ceiling, tucked away down an alley behind the radio broadcasting tower (bonus microwave), with his wife, daughter and son. He says "it look like we poor, but I say this is my castle, so I very rich… Yes." And in telling me this it became apparent to me that the majority of people here may be economically poor, but
the last thing they want is others pity. This attitude is indominable, whereby they value themselves not for where they are in life, but rather where they have come from.

Merry 'non-defined religious icon-mas' everyone, and remember the real story of Chr!stmas is told to us through Mary.
You spend all night getting led around by some ass, before finally hitting the hay. Then you wake up in the morning after getting no action, and your left with a present that you never asked for !

Cheers, The Immaculate Contraption