Entry Wounds. Episode 04: Charlie don't surf.

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20/12/03 7.30pm Dalat
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When travelling throughout Vietnam there is one thing that everyone is preoccupied with; identification. Locals have an identification card, foreigners; a passport. This must be provided to every place you stay at, be it a hotel or a guest house. Without it you are up the creek without a paddle,
beause camping is illegal. Why is this important right now? Because I have just taken five and a half hour bus trip to the cold Mountain town of Dalat, and my pasport is in Ho Chi Minh City with my landlady.
There are no ATM's in Dalat, and withdrawal of money via credit card requires indetification. Thus I have US$4 i my poocket, and my hotel fee (albiet illegal) for the night is US$7. Therefore I am doing the only thing I can, a runner at daybreak. I'm not exactly sure how it's going to work. However there is some luck amongst this. I met a guy named Thai, who will drive me via motorbike to Ho Chi Minh city. He knows the backroads around the checkpoints to HCMC. It'll take 8 hrs like this, he also informed me that I am lucky to have chosen the hotel I did. It's owned by the Chief of Police in Dalat, and so this is the reason why they're bending the rules and letting me stay. This I thank my lucky stars for, however it then provides the dilemma of doing a runner on the Chief of Police. This is the stupidest thing I've done so far, but without other options, logic has no place at the decision making table.

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22/12/03 4:00pm Múi Nê
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You know how they say that some good always comes from bad. Well this time I got it in aces. Getting past the checkout was reasonably easy. Just left my bag behind a pot plant near the door, strolled around the front until the guy behind the counter went into the resaurant and simply slipped away. Thai had the bike
waiting, and then we headed for the hills. We weaved our way up the mountain path and stopped ontop to take a photo. Thai is part of a local group of tour riders called EasyRiders. They usually do local tours, but for the right price they'll ride anywhere in Vietnam. Yesterday I told him I had no passport, he sympathised and told me of an alternate route over the other side of the
mountains. He however had not been aware of my skipping on the hotel, and was far from impressed when I told him. He said I could never go back to Dalat. I think he's exaggerating and so it remains to be seen. However I will difinately not be staying at the Pink House Villa Hotel again. In either case the ride was
the most fortunate development thus far. Travelling by bike is from now on the only way to travel. No more insulation from reality in airconditioned coaches with government approve guides. I got to smell Vietnam, see Vietnam with a real Vietnamese person, anti-co|\/||\/|unist to boot. Thai had extensive knowledge of the place. We stopped at roadside stalls, talked with local (Thai translating). We stopped at out of the way Buddhist pagoda’s. Quiet, still, and serene, not another foreigner in site. Just a handful of monks who couldn’t care less that I was there. We stopped at his cousins house for lunch, rice farmers on a mountain plateau. When we went to leave the bike wouldn’t start. No matter, just put it in neutral and coast downhill ! We descended throught the dense tropical rainforest with just the humming of the tyres on the road, and the wind as a
soundtrack, for about 40 minutes. Awesome! It also became evident why the allied troops, had no chance in this terrain, near vertial ridge after near vertical ridge of thick steamy green, all to be traversed step by anxious (‘click’ Kaboom!) step.
At around 6pm we arrived in HCMC. I tentatively walked to my room like John Wayne, nursing sunburnt neck and arms, and a posterior that felt like it’d done ten rounds with George Micheal. However the bike commbined with Thai’s local knowldege and authentic presence means I decided to continue East to the
South China Sea, and all the way up the coast, then up to Dalat to catch my return bus trip home. Four Days in total. Finally I feel like a traveller not a tourist.
I still hate George Micheal.

So now I’m in Múi Nê in a hammock, under coconut palms (that aint safe at all!) watching the sun go down over the South China Sea, while a fisherman gathers his nets and a lady herds her cows along the beach front….. What the? Someone should tell this lady that cows are grazing ruminants requiring copious
amounts of grass, not sand. The high level of lactose intolerance in South East Asia has fostered some overly cautious bovine farming techniques.
Soon this area will be an international tourist mecca. It’s already well visted by Vietnamese tourists. The accomodation is simple, bamboo shack, thatch roof, bed and mosquito net. However down the road large Hawaii inspired resorts with
painted paths and fastidiously manicured lawns are open for business. Vietnam is dedicated to being Asia’s next ‘Tiger’ economy. However since the Vietnam War, tigers have been extinct. I wonder if such an analogy plays on the minds of the
spearheads of this revolution. "Yes Minister, I propose we cease to exist!" I think they should model themselves on a more successful species. Looking around the place they have three main options. Mosquitoes, Cockroaches or Rats. Mosquitoes of course carry too much of a parasite overtone, something the World
Bank and IMF would undoubtedly use against them. Cockroaches? It’s a common misconception that they can survive a nuclear holocost, and given Nth Korea, China, Pakistan, India, Russia and of course the US all have nukes and all show a predisposition to getting a little trigger happy maybe it’s not a great option. Well, Cockroaches can also live without their head for over a week, so given that there is the scent of political reform in the air here, it could be fitting. But I think the rat is the ideal candidate. It is resourceful, cares for it’s young, is adaptable and thrives in nearly all environments. If it is forced to live in the sewers it becomes a tenacious predator and a viscious
opponent if cornered. However, if taken care of and nurtured it can be an ideal companion, both friendly and clean. I’ll run my idea past the government promotions bureau when I get back. Maybe the heat is getting to me.
In either case the leaders and the people seem mesmorised by the promise of capitalisms Midas touch. In their hunger and excitement they’re faiing to recognise that they lack both the infrastructure and business savvy to avoid getting spit-roasted like a drunken prom queen, by corporate sharks at one end,
and exploitative tourists at the other. Thai shakes his head when describing how prost!tution and corrupshun is on the up in Vietnam, yet in the same breath he believes that following in Thailand’s footsteps is a good move. People are so dissastisfied with the country’s situation and point to Co|\/||\/|unism as the
source. Naturally they then see Co|\/||\/|unism’s antithesis, Cap!talism as the antidote to all their problems. Thai looks at me bemused when I try an tell him Cap!talism isn’t going to reduce prost!tution or corrupshun, and undoubtedly Vietnam is going to find out the hard way.